Good News from the Middle East

The Five Deadly Weapons of Arab Mothers

Dana Jaber
Oh no, we are not going to be slashing your mothers, just going to help you against their tactics. Scene deployed from the movie White Chicks.

Oh no! You’ve just broken your mother’s favorite coffee cups!  In this dilemma, most people adequately inform their moms about what just happened. However, being Arab, you probably wouldn’t even get the chance to speak. Your mother would hear the crash from miles away and, sooner than you know it, she’d be standing right in front of you. Like a GI Joe prepared for battle, she’d brazenly position herself. At that moment you’d realize that the only option you have is fleeing. No possible negotiations, no mercy. However, we have mastered the tactics of Arab mothers by analyzing the main weapons carried. If you understand the opponents weaponry, you too can be prepared.

The Mothers Inventory:

  1.  The Famous “Shib Shib”: The sandals of destruction are disastrous, with one hit the mother has won. Once you fall on the ground from the smack of this boomerang, there’s no getting up. Avoid the “Shib Shib” and you can get away easily.
    Who invented such a contraption?! Boomerang slippers the newly modified “Shib Shib”. Image from heydemotivate.com.
  2. Mr. Slick “Kashata”: Arab mothers use this floor wiper to attack the prey from miles away. Beware of the “Kashata”, even if you think you’re far, this contraption can reel you back into the enemies hands.
    They see you when you’re sleeping, they know when you’re awake. They know when you’d been bad or good. So be good for goodness sake! Image from snapdeal.com
  3. The Tremendous “Maghrafa”:  If you do happen to be captured, you’ll most likely be tortured with a spatula. Though it seems harmless, one blow will make you feel like you’ve been hit with the glorified hammer of Thor. So be prepared!
    The scars of battle have never been more ecliptically displayed. Image from wanna-joke.com
  4. Sir Random Belt:  Now this item might be the only weapon which will not be directly found on the mother, but it has the ability to randomly find her. Whether it be on the couch or on your counter, the belt will hear the call and always be there. Nevertheless, burn all the belts in the house if you wish to live.
    The call of desperation at its finest. Image from onsizzle.com.
  5. The Stare of Death:   This is the worse of all the weapons. Like a Dementor from Azkaban, it sucks the soul out of you and eventually causes you to forfeit.Therefore, you must never look into her eyes!
    Image from  shugal.com.

Leave a comment if you’ve ever been attacked with any of these weapons and a smile for our loving Arab mothers.